“Is it better to be single, or to settle?”
Deep down you know you should never settle for less than you deserve in any relationship. However, if you’ve been through a number of breakups and nothing seems to be working you may feel worried that you may be alone forever.
This is totally understandable, but also completely untrue. You will meet somebody again and being single is just a phase in your life - you can and will meet the right person for you if you’re willing to invest the time and energy in finding love again.
It can be surprisingly easy to ‘settle’ in a relationship and sometimes it happens gradually without you even realising. One day you wake up and you just know that this is not where you belong - but there are many reasons why people stay in relationships they aren't particularly happy in. It is a difficult thing to come to terms with when you realise you tend to settle in your relationships. It involves a great deal of honesty, self-knowledge, reflection and a commitment to change to make sure that you break this pattern, but it is 100% worth it.
If you're single right now it is the perfect opportunity for you to work on yourself and to make sure you never settle in a relationship again. Here are some signs to look out for and to avoid.
7 Signs that you are settling for less than you deserve in your relationship
1. You feel that you have to be a different kind of person or change parts of yourself to be with your partner and for them to accept you. On the other side you keep hoping that your partner will change and that things will eventually get better. If you’re not happy with the person your partner is now chances are that you will not be happy in future.
2. You partner’s hopes, dreams and priorities become your hopes, dreams and priorities. You do everything in your power to accommodate them instead of paying attention to your own life too.
3. Your are ready to commit, but your partner isn’t and blows hot and cold when you discuss your future plans. You put your own longer term plans to one side in the hope that they will soon change their mind and fully commit to you and your relationship.
4. You find yourself in a physically, emotionally and/or financially abusive relationship and you’re hiding it from your family and friends., You may be rationalising your partner’s behaviour, making excuses for them and still put their needs ahead of your own.
5. You feel insecure and uncertain of yourself - convincing yourself that you can’t do any better than what you have now. Your relationship has a negative impact on your self esteem and causes you stress, worry and anxiety. This is not a normal state for a happy, healthy and mature relationship.
6. Your partner keeps pushing the boundaries in your relationship, ie. cheating or lying. They are taking advantage of the situation and you keep giving them more chances while they're clearly demonstrating that they're not trustworthy and not willing to treat you with respect.
7. You have to convince yourself and others that you are happy. You know in your gut that you are justifying to yourself and others the reasons for being with your partner. This is a huge red flag and not a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.
Remember - you can have the relationship you want and that you deserve. Get crystal clear on what that looks like and make the commitment to yourself that you will not settle for anything less than that. Know your boundaries, deal breakers and the red flags to look out for and follow your instinct when something doesn't feel right to you.
You deserve to be loved, accepted and adored for who you are. The most important thing is that you truly believe this too and choose your next partner accordingly.